[ he doesn't jump when rin snaps at him, but he does tense up, staring back at rin with the same wide eyes - surprised, confused, a little stunned. this isn't so much rin's usual passion for anything and everything he does. this was- is- a kind of devotion that sousuke isn't used to seeing. an anger, or something else, he doesn't really understand. sure, rin is probably mad this happened, probably blaming himself for situation at hand, but the snap?
because the sousuke before had been young, unmarred by reality and all the weight that came with it. for a few years after rin left, sousuke had been able to hold onto that light, that spirit, but it had dimmed. slowly, but surely, broken down by his own failure, by his own body.
he knows rin is fighting for the old sousuke back, and sousuke wants to tell him it's gone - he's gone - but he doesn't have the heart to do it. so instead he watches, feeling helpless and guilty, knowing what rin is doing but unable to stop it. ]
Rin- [ but then rin cuts him off, his voice low. sousuke shuts his mouth to listen, though he still doesn't...no. he does understand. he has always understood rin. he just wasn't expecting the resolve that rin shows him when he lifts his head again. the solid force that is rin matsuoka when he's made up his mind. the fact that it's focused on sousuke, completely and entirely, is a little overwhelming in itself.
then there's the promise, rin holding it out like a challenge, like he knows exactly how to get sousuke to react (because he does). it's so incredibly rin that sousuke can't help but let his shoulders relax into it, almost laughing in the next breath he lets out. of course rin would bring that up, of course rin would use that for leverage. it's rin. ]
I remember the promise. [ he reaches back, rubbing the back of his neck with his only good hand. ] But I don't know if you... [ okay, bad way to start. sousuke lets his hand drop as he looks back to meet rin's eyes. just as adamant, just as solid in his stance. ] I know you want to help. I just need to make sure you know what you're getting into. This isn't easy. It never is.
[ i've been doing this for years he wants to add, but doesn't, keeping a firm set to his jaw instead. ]
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because the sousuke before had been young, unmarred by reality and all the weight that came with it. for a few years after rin left, sousuke had been able to hold onto that light, that spirit, but it had dimmed. slowly, but surely, broken down by his own failure, by his own body.
he knows rin is fighting for the old sousuke back, and sousuke wants to tell him it's gone - he's gone - but he doesn't have the heart to do it. so instead he watches, feeling helpless and guilty, knowing what rin is doing but unable to stop it. ]
Rin- [ but then rin cuts him off, his voice low. sousuke shuts his mouth to listen, though he still doesn't...no. he does understand. he has always understood rin. he just wasn't expecting the resolve that rin shows him when he lifts his head again. the solid force that is rin matsuoka when he's made up his mind. the fact that it's focused on sousuke, completely and entirely, is a little overwhelming in itself.
then there's the promise, rin holding it out like a challenge, like he knows exactly how to get sousuke to react (because he does). it's so incredibly rin that sousuke can't help but let his shoulders relax into it, almost laughing in the next breath he lets out. of course rin would bring that up, of course rin would use that for leverage. it's rin. ]
I remember the promise. [ he reaches back, rubbing the back of his neck with his only good hand. ] But I don't know if you... [ okay, bad way to start. sousuke lets his hand drop as he looks back to meet rin's eyes. just as adamant, just as solid in his stance. ] I know you want to help. I just need to make sure you know what you're getting into. This isn't easy. It never is.
[ i've been doing this for years he wants to add, but doesn't, keeping a firm set to his jaw instead. ]